I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize