You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
