Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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