Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
