I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
