I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im part way to drunk.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
