Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
