I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
