And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
