I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
