Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
