so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
