You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
