i don't like sucking hair
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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