I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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