You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there is glitter all over my balls
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
