Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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