I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
