nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
