I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize