Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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