I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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