is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize