At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
