The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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