It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
