R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
