I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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