she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
