Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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