Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
