I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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