K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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