When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
