Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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