i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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