I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
