You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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