would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
