Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
