Already got asked if we're dating
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
