just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
