dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
