You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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