I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
