I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
