drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
