I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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