Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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