Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
