I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
