His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
