we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
