Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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