a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
