Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You've changed since you got that strap on
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
