i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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