I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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