Dual....:-)
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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