It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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