Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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