mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
