just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
