sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
