im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
